Hi, my name is Ben Wallace, and I am proud to announce that I am running for President of the United States!






Honestly, I don't have a stump speech about why I'd make a great candidate.

So, I stole the campaign kickoff speeches from all the other 2020 candidates and programmed an AI Bot to write one for me:

Hi! My name is Ben Wallace, and I am proud to announce that I am running for President of the United States.

I get it.

You guys think you know everything about me, but you don't.

I am running for president because I believe in American greatness, and I believe that you all, one by one, will join me on this journey.

And I am running for president because, like so many Americans, you know we like to turn things back.

So if in the future you think the United States of America is a distant memory, well, I want to be perfectly clear: I'm not going to tell you what to think.

I won't.

I can't.

You'll just know that this is a difficult race and I believe we can only win it by the power of the people.

So, if you don't believe in a Trump presidency, get out the vote, and if you don't believe in a Trump-Russia investigation, then get out the vote!

I'll tell you a little bit more about myself.

In 1980 I was just 29 years old and living in a small apartment in Midland, New Jersey.

Nothing really happened in that area until I was arrested for trying to buy marijuana from a guy who was also in possession of two handguns.

That arrest brought a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'Oh, we know what happened in Indiana.'

And that is why I stand here today, standing before you in a red jail jumpsuit, my true face, facing a crowd of people who say we have to change our politics from scratch because of the mess we made in our history by trying to turn it into a political issue.

And that is why I founded The Young America my saying, don't compromise, and when I say I am from Jamaica, you say I'm from California, I say I'm from New York, I'm from Philadelphia, I'm sure there are thousands more here who agree with them than the Jamaicans.

So, if you don't believe me, get out the vote, and if you don't believe me, get out the vote today.

I have this great question, Joe Biden, who is up for re-election in 2018.

He is the son of a United States senator from the state of Delaware, and I was elected as his deputy.

He is the son of a United States senator from the state of Delaware, and he is running for president as a Republican.

So, this is a logical question that asks, what is the appeal of a president who claims to be from Jamaica?

If we're going to understand what we're doing here, we have to ask ourselves what the hell we're doing.

Why are we here, and how can we engage with this country?

Why are we spending this much money on politics and money, and no one is asking what is at stake for us if we don't start from the ground up?

Why should health care be just a political issue?

The greatest killers in the world are not people who once killed and raped and doused everyone they know with chemicals.

They are barbarians intent on ripping us off.

They seek to divide us up, to kill us, to divide us children, to rape us, to mutilate us and to pollute our air, water and soil.

They seek to murder our children, their children.

They seek wars that harm us all.

They threaten our futures.

They threaten hell for our children.

They threaten war.

They threaten mass murder.

But we have democracy, we have freedom, we have terror.

We have it down pat.

We have laws that protect us, that protect us.

We have proportional representation, we have proportional representation.

We have no more mass incarceration.

We have pre-crime, we have post-crime.

We treat everyone with dignity.

We treat our veterans with dignity, we treat our African-Americans with dignity, we treat Native Americans with dignity and we treat them.

We treat them.

We treat them not just with equal justice of the law, but with equal justice of the decision.

We treat them the way we treated our privacy.

We treat them the way we treat our lives.

We treat them the way we treat our children.

We treat them the way we treat our love.

Thank you Barack Obama.




Note: The speech above is all machine-generated. This does not reflect Ben's true opinions or idealogies.