Donate Now

The Dakota Pledge

We Have a Problem, America.


In fact, we have a lot of problems.

No matter where you are in America, chances are you are experiencing real adversity.

The economy is not working for all of us. Families from California to Maine are struggling to put food on the table, pay for medical expenses, and afford a quality education. As the wealthiest Americans reap benefits from the stock market, it never seems to trickle down to the bottom 95% in the form of higher wages and job security. The rise of income inequality, offshoring, and automation has created disenfranchised Americans in both the cities and the farmlands.

The school system is not working for all of us. A quality education is determined more and more by your zip code. The wealthy can move and pay for the finest K-12 and secondary schools in the world, while underpaid teachers in underfunded communities must somehow teach a crowded room of children with different skills and challenges. National politicians on both sides don't understand that only 33% of kids go to college, because college isn't for everybody.

The healthcare system is not working for all of us. Beyond the fact that the wealthiest nation in human history can't seem to afford x-ray exams to every citizen, a false stigma has also been created. Our healthcare isn't healthcare- it's sickcare. Instead of proactively offering our citizens affordable healthy food options, safe-sex products, and mental health support, we hastily (and expensively) try to fix a snowball of damage.

The social state of America is not working for all of us. Bigotry, racism, and misogyny run ramped in a world that welcomes the spread of disinformation. Social media platforms and establishment media are major causes of this, as the free market pushes us towards a more polarized state of affairs. On Facebook, it is financially in one's best interest to spread an ad or agenda that affirms fringe beliefs on their side rather than one that reaches across the aisle with thoughtful, data-driven arguments.


Let's cut to the chase. All these issues boil down to a single root cause; there are too many Dakotas.

Think about it... during all your problems, what was the constant? North and South Dakota were two states in our democratic union.

As President of the United State, I will call for the dissolution of North and South Dakota into one state, aptly named "Dakota". It's not North. It's not South. It's Dakota

Our New Nation


The Dakotas have had too much power for too long, and they know it. Since their founding in 1889, the citizens of the Dakotas found a way to double their governing power and infiltrate the integrity of our democracy. They have been drunk with power for too long, and it's time too stop them. Here is a convincing infographic that proves my point:


The Dakota Pledge will drastically shift Dakota's voting power overnight. By combining North and South Dakota, the new state of Dakota will have a combined citizenship of 1.6 million people. Nebraska, an honorable state that is about that size, has five electoral votes. Thus, we will drop Dakota's electoral power from six votes to five. That leftover vote will be transferred to the USA's fastest-growing state, Idaho. Yes, I'm am surprised as well! Way to go, Idaho!

The next time your family is sitting around the kitchen table, I want you to consider one thing: "Do the citizens of North and South Dakota have my best interests in mind?" The answer is simple: no. As you wonder about your children's future, Dakotan elites sit in a smoke-filled room- wondering how they can expand their empire even more. The problems of today are not spawned by Mexicans, Muslims, Jews, or the Dutch; I blame the Dakotans. I trust the data.

I want to make something abundantly clear; I do not hate people from Dakota. I just love the people from every other state a lot more. As President, I will fight tooth and nail for all who want to play fair and live an honest life. I can assure you that my candidacy is not spawned by ego; in fact, I will be the last President who would want to be on Mount Rushmore.

The Dakota Pledge: FAQ

Valid question. My think-tanks and I do concede that North and South Dakota help give America that simple, satisfying 50 stars on the flag. But as President, I promise not to solve one problem and create 49 more. After enacting The Dakota Pledge, I also promise to give statehood to Washington D.C. I am also open to Puerto Rico becoming a state, but I think everyone agrees we can only accept one. Consider this the beginning of a healthy dialogue.

Sort of. Way back in the late 1800s, the majority of Dakotans were found in one of two population centers. Given the limited infrastructure and commerce between the two areas, policymakers saw it fit to create two states. These variables are now a thing of the past, and a dissection of powers provide no utility towards the American spirit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. To those that say "Why split up the Dakotas?" I say, "Why not?"

According to Article IV, Section 3 of the Constitution, “New States may be admitted by the Congress into this Union; but no new State shall be formed or erected within the Jurisdiction of any other State; nor any State be formed by the Junction of two or more States, or Parts of States, without the Consent of the Legislatures of the States concerned as well as of the Congress.”

In other words, as long as the Dakotas and U.S. Congress are cool with this proposal, this can really happen. Obviously, the 96 senators from the other states will be down. In order to get the Dakotas on board, I was thinking we could market The Dakota Pledge in an admirable light. What if Dakota's nickname became: "Big Dick-ota"? The slogans write themselves.

I've only been South Dakota once, and it was miserable. I was trying to visit Mt. Rushmore, and as we drove up the mountain, a wicked snowstorm attacked us. If it wasn't for my friend making a u-turn in the middle of the road, we would have probably gotten stuck up there.

Shivers still rush down my spine as I think of that day. I will never forget it- especially when I'm in office!